“It’s OK if the holidays feel totally fine, and it’s OK if you want to hide under a blanket until January. The hardest thing is not knowing which one it’s going to be or when a grief attack is going to hit.” -Theodora Blanchfield
Happy Holidays! Two words with SO many emotions and feelings attached to them. Even under the best of circumstances. And, let’s be real, when we are grieving the death of a loved one; we are not going into these holidays under the best of circumstances.
For those who are grieving, these “Happy Holidays” can be the least wonderful time of the year. It’s hard to be happy when it feels like you have a hole in your heart, a hole in your life; leaving you hurting with no relief in sight.
In addition, seeing other people being happy can make those of us who are grieving feel isolated and alone.
Some things that make the holidays hard:
- The spirit of the holiday season collides with your grief.
- This collision includes your personal grief and the collective grief of others.
- They seem to be “in your face” 24 hours a day – tv shows, commercials and such about how great this time of the year is supposed to be.
- They tend to heighten the realization that you’ve lost the world as you’ve known it.
- Expectations (yours, mine and ours)!!
- Not knowing how to feel, what to do, etc…
Some things that help:
- BREATHE (inhaling and exhaling)!!
- Self-care…you are on an emotional rollercoaster (with 60% of your energy zapped right off the top by grief – yikes!) – be kind to YOU!
- Be flexible – do or don’t do…either one is OK!
- BREATHE!!
- Break the silence; say your loved one’s name our loud; tell your stories.
- Feel and express your feelings –sad and happy!
- BREATHE!!
- Rituals – old, new and/or a combination of the two; these connect our loved ones with us, bringing them forward with us
- Lean into the support of others.
- BREATHE!!
- Know Love Lives On!
So, here we are…it’s the holidays and we are grieving. We can do difficult things. When we embrace our grief, give it a voice and honor our struggle – we can experience healing during these holidays (and beyond) – together!
Sending this with extra love and hugs!
-Susan
