It’s a Friday evening, and many are heading home after a long work week. But for Sylma Ramirez Ruiz and the family, it’s time to remember daughter and sister Sylmarie. Donned in matching purple shirts with Sylmarie’s beautiful face emblazoned upon it, they come to Donor Pavilion to celebrate her life during South Texas Blood & Tissue’s annual Remembrance Celebration.
“My Sylmarie,” Sylma said. “Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.”
Many others are like the Ruiz family, wearing shirts honoring their departed loved ones. People bring photographs or a possession of theirs – a toy, a piece of jewelry.
It’s a time for love, healing and unity.
Every year, donor families involved in South Texas Blood & Tissue’s Grief Support and Life Legacies program celebrate their beloved ones who have passed on.
Sometimes, especially with tissue donation, grief can be misunderstood, and not as spoken about.
This is the 10th year Susan Smith, Manager of Grief Support and Life Legacies, has given tissue donor families the chance to be heard – to share their grief, to make connections, and even have fun doing so. Families even join through the Rio Grande Valley and virtually in celebration.
Donors grab shiny paper hearts and stars, and colorful pipe cleaners, then write heartfelt messages on them. They will be used for a later activity.
“We love and miss you so much,” someone writes on a star.
Although there are more than 170 people there, it feels like one big family. Strangers who sit next to each other share tears, experiences, memories and hugs.
That’s what happens during the Remembrance Celebrations, and Susan makes sure to let everyone know.
“Everyone here are extensions of your family now,” Susan said.
An emotional event
As Susan reads from The Invisible String, a book about the unbreakable connections between loved ones, some families cry.
“From holding on to memories, and telling stories, looking at pictures, or listening to music they liked…these are all ways you’re still connected,” she said.
Lights are dimmed, Susan invites the children of families to come up and light the ceremonial candles and the most emotional part of celebrations begin. Donor families embrace, cry, hold hands as they see their departed family members on a slideshow on the big screen.
The slide show concludes with a loud collective cheer, as everyone yells out loud for their loved one, as they are being celebrated!
Lights are turned on and families then participate in creating a “Collective Heart,” pasting their shiny heart and star memories on a giant Double Heart statue which will be placed outside the Legacy Garden.
Pipe cleaners are shaped into hearts and connected into a long chain. It serves as a representation of the bonds people create by interacting with others.
Nobody should have to go through their grief journey alone, Susan explained.
And they don’t. Some of the regular donor families help some of the first-timers. There’s a lot of camaraderie, tears and laughter as new donor families participate and create new memories.
Many seasoned donor families participate in the ceremonies annually. Emmanuel Casasola honors his father, who passed in 2017, or Jim, who goes to honor his wife. Or Mary Kay Thomas, who continues sharing the legacy of her daughter Melissa, who passed away in 2019.
The Remembrance Celebration concludes by sprinkling “wishes” and placing the heart chain in the newly renovated Legacy Garden. The wishes add to nine years of collective hopes and dreams gathered at the garden.
Many leave the Remembrance Celebration with full hearts, a sense of peace, and a very extended family.
